The first thing I will take away is being more humble about changes. Like other people, I was not ready for things to change at the end of the course. Having a new teacher at the end of the course was a challenge and having their teaching style differ from first teacher, was really hard to get use to. I felt like the second teacher wasn't giving what I really wanted and it felt flat, but I do have to say that the class taught me to be more humble and to have more patience. I got really frustrated with things in the class, but I need to think about the big picture and try to go for the goals that I am going for and that I really care about. I need to make sure that I need to accept change, even if the change wasn't the best and to be happy!
The second thing that I will take away is to have fun and do stuff that I love. I got to make some videos for some of the projects and that helped me think better. I have a fear of freedom, so it's hard to make projects with unlimited possibilities, but if I am going to become a movie producer/director/video editor, I will have to produce story lines and plots more than a daily basis. I might be working with a company that does advertisements from companies that buy them, so I have to be ready for anything, but I was happy to be able to make movies, especially for the Media Round Robin, Broken Rules, and other projects and it showed people who I really was and my interests, like my Cosplaying! The Third thing that I will take away from this class is that I still hate books and doodling. I know I harped about these 2 subjects, but it is something that I truly do not like. It did help to know that other people like these activities and it shows that we are all human, with our own likes and dislikes and the ability to share our interests with each other, in a close to a judgment free zone, and that we can support each other and share our feeling with each other. This class also made me closer to the friends that I had and showed me a new person that I meet and we talk during our classes more often, which is nice. I need to make sure that I calm down and smell the roses more often. I know that I get antsy about homework and getting it done way before time, so I can chill at a later date, but I know that I need to breath and take things a little less intensely and have fun with it! Thanks!
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So... we had our final class and I am pretty happy that summer is almost upon us. I was happy to see that people did a lot of great things for the Altered Book assignment. I really enjoyed some of them. I really felt like people cared about this assignment and took it to heart, and used their bliss and fear assignments to help develop their Altered Book. I was also happy to see Erik's capstone, granted it was about cancer, and with my families history of cancer, it was really hard to watch it, but it showed me that the possibilities are endless for my capstone and that I will be able to gain more knowledge on video and that I know to make the best video I can, and who knows... my movie could become a full feature film, or my ideas may spark other movies I wanna make. I also thought that people had dedication for many items and that it was nice to see what people can do with a book. While many people decided to do something with there book, some people did something totally different, which was nice. I am really proud of my accomplishments in the class and I look forward to what will happen in the future.
What is your opinion of combining technology and the human body as she did in the video?
- The combination of technology and the human body is fascinating. It's like a different form of cosplaying. How they wear something on their body to be something else. I like that aspect of that video, how models were something completely different and it makes them unique and the picture unique, as a whole. What is your opinion of combining a media arts and science project with your own body? - The main thing I wanna do is work my way up to do costumed acting (wearing costumes on stage, in TV, or on the big screen). I will probably not get there, since the acting jobs like that are slim to none, more on the latter, but I would love to be involved in combining a media arts and science project with my body. I kind of did that already a few times this semester, with the Fear project, the breaking the rules project, the media round robin project, and just me coming to class in different costumes. I like to see people reactions to them and see what people think. If I had to wear tree bark or straws, then so be it, it'll be an adventure. Just no completely covering my face, I am claustrophobic around my face, so having that happen would scare the heck out of me. What is identity of self in the digital world? - My identity, of right now, in the digital world is behind the camera. I am the one taping footage, either on camera or by capture card, and putting into a program, be that After Effects, Avid, or Premiere. I edit it together, put effect on it, if need be, and turn it in or put it on a video sharing website, mainly YouTube. I hope to be doing other things like working at a news station and maybe even doing voice acting for cartoons, as that is something I would love to be doing at some point in my life. I feel like I have many thing in my life that can and will go wrong, but I need to push through it and I know video editors are not in high demand, but I know places are wanting people do videography, so I hope to find somewhere that will want a passionate person like me. I have ideas for videos and I hope to get them out there and do them!!! How will you change this book? - I will change this book to be something that I like. I love dogs and I love being in costume, so putting those together really help me do something fun in my life. I love to be and act like a dog, and I know a lot of the personality quirks and mannerisms of dogs, so that wont be a problem, but I know that I am not a designer, when it comes to creating things with my hands, not on a computer, so I am going to be challenged by this, but I know that when I am done, I will know I did a great job and that it was fun to make. I started this project during my spring break and worked on it here and there until the bitter end. I will be talking more about the process, but I know that I did my best and that is all that counts. How will this book change you? - It will change me by knowing that I can do something, if I try hard enough and I put my mind to it. I did what I had to do and I made sure that I put my best foot forward. I cant make things for crap. I make a wood heart in jr. high and it looked pitiful, and my bone that I made is lopsided, and my OCD is screaming at me, but it is OK. It has taught me to be more humble and more patient and to be happy with the results, so matter what they are. I am not perfect, even though my perfectionist mind wants to be, but I know I am not and never will be, so I am learning to accept it as it is and be who I am. It also taught me that I can really make costumes if I really want to. All my projects are incorporated by the 5 Ss: Spontaneity, Serendipity, Surrender, Synchronicity, and Start. Also, like all the other assignments, it caused me to look sideways to see what to do. I started during the 50 What ifs and the 3 things I would like to do with my cover to really cement the ideas of what I really wanted to do. Then, during spring break, I did the head piece. Then during the bliss assignment, I did the ears, the collar, and the tail. Then this week, I did the dog tag and the finishing touches of the "costume". It was really bliss to get this assignment done, as I am big on getting work done first, then enjoying life later. It looks OK. Like I said, I am not a designer, but this is my 2nd time doing this, first time was with duct tape, so I tried my best and that is what counts. I really did enjoy this project and I hope to make more stuff at a later time, when I get money and knowledge on sewing and design aspect, but I doubt I will. The future is unknown...? When I am in a funk or in a bad mood, I feel like I am in a funk. I don't really know how to feel and what to feel. My emotions are numb. I did give my presentation during class and I just don't know how it was perceived or what people thought about it. I just am confused as to what to do with myself after the class ended. I just really don't know!!!
I sometimes get into these funks. I don't know how to get out of them. I try to talk to people and it doesn't help and I make the situation worse. I am very tired and very lost in my life right now. I don't know which way is up and which way is down. People tell me I am still young, but I am 25, going to 26 in August. I am not that "kid/adult", I am an adult, so I need to get my life in check and go with it. I just feel like I need to close down and not do anything for a while. Get away and be me. I don't think this made any sense, but I am in a funk and my anxiety is running on high, so I just am at a loss at words. Just trying to do what I need to do to survive! I know this is late and I just typed out 2 long paragraphs 5 minutes and it didn't stick. I tried to talk about accidentally missing this assignment because I plum forgot, why I was upset about the decision on how people went on Monday, since I was told one thing and something else happened, going clockwise, and getting a bad vibe from not going, since I didn't have enough time to go, since I was one of the last ones to go, and how I was kindof bummed the not everyone had a tangible item and not getting into the assignment, but my entire blog that I typed just vanished when I pushed the update button. I am not sure if it is my internet or this horrible blog, but I am really perturbed with Weebly and I am never gonna use something from Weebly again. I know I talked about this before, but Weebly doesn't save my blogs sometimes when I push update, and I was really proud I about the blog I talked about, but I am really livid with Weebly. The forgetting the blog and the fear assignment is keeping me humble and is teaching me that I am human and that I do make mistakes, while this blog site is teaching me that technology sucks sometimes and I learned that Weebly sucks and after this class I will never use Weebly again!!!!
5 minutes later... And as you can see from the first blog, it only accepted the first 2 lines. -_- Stupid Weebly!!! I know this is late and I just typed out 2 long paragraphs and it didn't stick. I tried to talk about accidentally missing this assignment
I have always been fearful in my life. I have had weird fears like talking on the telephone and fear of feet. I have had some deep fears like dying alone, being alone, having nobody that will love me, etc… I have had some common fears like buried alive, things covering my full face, falling/heights, death, crashes, etc… but one fear that I have always had and something that will probably be a huge fear of mine to come is the fear of freedom. I have always been controlled and picked on when I was younger. I was picked on at school and at home, so that controlled me to do what was “right” and not really what I wanted. I really like to be controlled in some instances, but sometimes I really want to be free and do what I really want. I try to hide who I am, because of fear of rejection and fear of non-acceptance, but it isn’t as healthy as I thought it was. I usually am at home way too much, because of fear and compliance. It’s hard to open up about my life and about the hardships. When I do, I get overzealous with friendships, since I never really had any true friendships and it backfires and they despise me afterwards. That may be the reason why I don’t have a girlfriend. I have very high anxiety, depression, and I even think I have some form of Aspergers, as I say some awkward stuff, since I really don’t know what is acceptable to say sometimes. I lived in a world where men were supposed to be strong and non-emotional, so it’s hard to really show my emotions. I have been trying to get people to be my friend and to talk to them about myself and to get people I can trust to talk to about life and my issues. When it comes to fear of freedom, I have troubles with it. All the classes I have taken have been do this particular assignment, which I can do, but when it says to do whatever I want, my mind blows up. I have really no idea what to do, so I ask for help and advice. Fishbowling is a great tool that I use and it helps. The tangible item that I am using is a pair of extra linked handcuffs and a locking collar. I have them for a Cosplay that I do, but they are great for this project. The handcuff are a great controlling item, as I don’t have that much room to maneuver, while the extra links give me more room to move, but I am still locked in. The collar is the same as I am locked in, but when both of them are off, I am free. I am not comfortable being “free”. It’s like a dog that was domesticated that is sent free in the wild. I also will be having one of my costumes on, as it is a symbolization, saying that this is me. I am happy to be something else and not really happy to be me. I am trying to like me more and more, but I still like to be something else, which isn’t a bad thing at all!!! 1. Is the fear you identified for this project a fear, phobia, anxiety, or worry? It is all 4. It is a fear as I fear being fear. I have anxiety when I get to have an open book of ideas and opportunities, I worry about all the freedom that I have, and I have Eleutherophobia (fear of the notion of freedom). 2. In what ways do you notice fear in your life? I have always been a fearful person. I fear everything! I notice that I move around/fidget a lot. I know I scratch my nose a lot. I pace back and forth. I get sad and depressed. I worry about everything. I notice I have lots of fear in my life. 3. What does fear keep you from experiencing? It keeps me from having fun and doing things that I wanna do. If I had friends, I would be rock climbing and laser tagging way more. I would go ballroom dancing and wearing costumes out more often. I would go to more cons and just have a blast. 4. What is the use of fear in your life? It keeps me in line and makes me save. I have never gotten in real trouble with anything. Until this semester, I have gotten straight As for the last 3 years. 5. How does fear affect your life, especially in terms of creativity? Since I have a fear of freedom, it limits the ways I do things, I have to fishbowl my way to doing something. I cant just do anything out of a whim. I have to plan it out and make sure I do it correctly, since I am a perfectionist. 6. What form does your fear take? My fear takes form of anxiety, worry, panic attacks, stress, depression, and nerves. 7. How does making a creative project about your fear impact how you view it? I think this was a good way to conquer my fear or understand the fear that I have. I know that I have a long way to go, but this was good to talk about my fears and what they are and how they impact my life. Write 5 obstacles to creating your fear exercise.
-Afraid to express myself -What if I wore a blindfold while I talked about my fears -What if I wore my dog costume while expressing myself -What if I made a video and showed class -Having time to actually get it done -What if I set aside an hour to do my fear assignment -What if I schedule my assignments around the fear assignment -What if I didn't do the fear assignment -Not having as creative of a project as I want it to be -What if I did the bliss assignment more than one during the week -What if I make 3 fear assignments and pick the one I like more -What if I watched videos to clear my head, so I can think straight -People not liking my assignment -What if I talked to family and friends about the assignment -What if I went to message boards and talked to people about the assignment -What if I vlogged about the assignment -Failing the project -What if I did a half-ass job and didn't put my all and say that it was my fear assignment -What if I didn't sleep at all the night before and did it while I was dog-tired -What if I didn't show up on the day it was due 99% of my What If questions, I will not do! Thinking about the bliss assignment, the one thing I knew I had to do was to get my Altered Book done, nothing makes me more blissful than getting my homework done, so I don't have to think about it and I can worry about other things. My blissful moments are finishing homework assignments and watching YouTube videos and reality shows! The fear exercise helped my ideal creative zone, by understanding what I really fear and to understand my limitations. I will not talk about my fears in this blog, but I have come to understand my fears and I may not be able to conquer them fully, I know that I might be able to work around them, so I can have a better ideal creative zone! My creative zone doesn't have to be physical, it's a lot of mental creativity, because I constantly think about everything, so I am always thinking of ideas and concepts that I want to do. I am wanting to do a capstone where I am doing a Pokemon movie, but it will be actors in costumes and a Pokemon Trainer catching them in balls and they would be in front of green screens. My ideas are flowing everyday! So my process of the bliss assignment was me sitting down and doing it. Nothing more than that. I worked on my altered book for 3 hours while listening to some past houseguests on Big Brother talk about the last season of Big Brother. This was blissful as I was completing an assignment while listening to people talk about my fave show! The only real obstacles was needing my charger for my laptop and sitting down and doing it. No real solutions, besides just gettin'er done!!! As I have said before, I am a HUGE Big Brother fan and that is one main thing that got me into doing Cosplaying, but one thing that interests me about Big Brother is the "cat-lady" fans that come out of the show. Since Big Brother has a 24/7 live feed for people can subscribe to, people who are uber fans will watch it close to 24/7 as they like to see the drama and the everyday live of people trying to win $500,000. The "cat-lady" fans like to do things that harm the houseguests, like getting the players fired from their jobs or getting them in trouble with the law and sometimes giving death threats, since the "cat-lady" fans don't have a productive life. Big Brother 15 had many racist and crude comments throughout the season and that caused many people to get them fired from their jobs and had one houseguest have their laptop confiscated by the police to see what was on it. That person made a crude joke about liking and watching kid porn on someone else's microphone , while that person was in the shower (trying to pretend that it was the person in the shower saying it and not them). It was a joke, but it was a joke in bad taste, but should they have been fired from their job because of that, no..., but many fans will do anything they can to "harm" people from the show.
Another example was of a woman, on Big Brother 16, that was married, but was cuddling and holding another man during that season. When she got out of the house, she got heavy boos from the audience and many crazy fans sent letter to the husband telling him to divorce her and giving him death threats. These fans are very crazy, but I find it interesting as to why people take this show to seriously. I love this show and have applied to be on it the last 3 years, but I don't see why people care about these houseguests to the point of "harming" them in the "real" world. They are on it for money or fame, with I laugh out, but I feel like people should enjoy the show, have their faves and dislikes, maybe blog/vlog about it, talk about it with other fans/friends, etc... but not dog someone on the show or try to get them fired from their job. I just don't understand why people are like that, but it interests me as to why people act the way they do about people on this show. I have never thought of myself being someone that is apathetic. I have always thought myself to be really passionate about things and very humble. When it comes to work, except if it History or Science, I am really passionate about what I do and how I do it. Maybe because I am a perfectionist or maybe I really like school and homework(gasp... a student that likes homework). I don't think I really LIKE homework, but I like doing something that is in my field (video), so doing a video project, or moving animation, is very fun and interesting to me. When it comes to people, I try to be passionate about them. I try to be a listener and a helper and not a person that nags. I try to keep my promises to a minimum, as I like to keep all my promises. If I tell someone that I am going to be there, "I Promise", then I have to, as that is the morally right thing to do. Like this week, I am/was sick, but I made a promise to myself that I should go to school, NO MATTER WHAT, just as long as I am making sure I am not close to people lol.
There are times where we all are apathetic. I know I am, but that is because we are human and we act the ways we are. I try not to support anything as I like to be indifferent with all politics, health, situations. I am a listener, so I am passionate, but taking action on a particular thing, I am very apathetic on that. I try to be a friend and will do things for people, but I have been known to not do things for me, so I am very passionate about that, but being apathetic, sometimes, isn't horrible, but you can't always be one or another, as we need a balance. I had to look up what the word apathetic meant, so I hope I used it in the right context. If I failed in using the word correctly, then that is a great learning experience. |
Matt DoddsWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
April 2015
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